Every morning as I grope through the kitchen trying to make Coffee, I am attacked by the Cats wanting to be instantly fed. They want food NOW, I need Coffee NOW. I am not multi-tasked at 6AM and therefore, feeding them is much easier after having had that first gulp. Is this like the Airline Emergency Mask thing and who gets the Oxygen first, child or parent...? Well, in my Ultimate Wisdom I have conjured up the idea of weening young Kittens on Coffee. Just a tad at first, then more as they grow. Granted, it’s a scary thing to imagine a Kitten on Caffeine. But, then Garfield has already gone through all that and he made it to a ripe old age. In my theory, if your Cat needs Coffee too, then he’ll be more interested in getting that pot a’brewin than getting that bowl of smelly food. Plus Coffee is kind of a social thing so it would help the bonding as everyone wakes up together and chats about their upcoming day. Of course, that means buying a whole new set of tiny Coffee Mugs and cleaning up those tiny Coffee rings everywhere. There’s potentially a good market for tiny mugs with each Cats name and picture boldly printed on the side. I can imagine a Mr. Coffee advertisement with Garfield smelling the aroma and purring as the timer ticks through to the first drop. Or maybe a South American Cat raking his paws through a bag of dark Coffee beans expounding the virtues of richness and aroma….. But, alas, until a new Kitten arrives on our scene, I won’t be able to test my theory nor start a whole new feline beverage genre like PurrBucks. In the meantime, I can prepare the house for that eventual day when a marauding group of Caffeinated Kittens will proceed to destroy everything in sight.
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A Story by Fred May
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